God! Heavens a Weird Place
by JohnTheFishLovesSnuffles
Summary: A short litle story about what happens when Remus and Tonks join Sirius in Heaven SB/RL RL/NT SLASH! disclaimer- they aren't mine *sob* oh how i wish they were!


**God! Heavens a weird place!**

The last thing Remus could remember was the white light of the Avada Kavada and the searing pain that erupted in his chest as it smacked him square, and killed him. After that there was darkness.

Sirius was pacing as Elvis did his 331st rendition of "A Little Less Conversation" to the knitting Grandmas (as they were know) and the dozy Grandads (as they were known). Sirius could feel JFK (yes THE JFK) and James' annoyed and almost equally anxious eyes on him. He'd been like this since breakfast when Gabriel had nodded at Sirius before he could ask his usual question.

"Trust Moony to take his time about it. He'd drag out anything just to see me annoyed." Sirius mutter, making James laugh, "Oh because you were always punctual!" he sniggered sarcastically. Sirius shot him a look that could kill if they weren't already dead.

Suddenly there was a thud on the ground beside Sirius, just out side the open pearly gates. Sirius spun around as James and JFK collectively gasped.

There, lying on the ground beside him, the amber eyes slowly fluttering open, was Sirius' beloved Moony, finally. He crouched down and cupped Moony's head in his hands, "Moony?" He barely breathed, "Remus?"

The amber eyes open, painfully slowly but still opened, and focused on the messy-hair-framed face before him, "Sirius?" he asked, his voice weak from the transition, "Padfoot? _My_ Padfoot?"

Sirius grinned and nodded, "Yeah, it's me. James is here, Lily's back at the house cooking a welcome meal for you-she's always working that woman…" JFK coughed pointedly, "Oh and my new friend JFK here too."

Remus' face twisted in confusion, "THE JFK?...b-b-but, if you don't mind me saying, you're all dead…or I thought you were…"

They all laughed as Sirius held out a hand to help his lover up, "Yeah and so are you, my friend."

"Oh" was all the new arrival could say. JFK walked over and shook his hand, "Fabulous to finally meet you Mr. Lupin. Sirius has told me a lot about you"

"Uh…yeah I've heard a lot about you in Muggle studies too, Mr Kennedy…like you were the president of the United States…and you were assassinated." Remus' reply was a little star stuck.

JFK gave his famous smile and laughed, "Yeah your teacher got that much right…please call me JFK, everyone else does."

Remus nodded and turned to James who hadn't aged a day since the last time he had seem him 17yrs ago. But the dead don't age, do they?

James grinned at him, "Finally the Marauders are all together again!"

"Yeah." Remus agreed because Wormtail had been forgotten the day he betrayed them.

Then Moony turned himself to Sirius. _His_ Sirius. The familiar grey eyes smiled in to his amber ones., "Hello." Sirius said nervously and stepped forward, a little closer to his friend that he had missed _so _much for the last two years. Of course he'd had James and Lily and JFK for company but even together they couldn't fill the gap in his chest that belonged rightfully to Remus, "Welcome to Heaven, Moony."

"Wait...Heaven? How on earth did you make it to Heaven Sirius?" Remus joked.

Sirius waited, watching his friend carefully hoping that he remembered who they were to each other. It wasn't unheard of for people to lose memories in transition but it was mainly the older folks who suffered that's.

But Padfoot needn't have worried because Moony's face stretched into an amazing grin as he slipped his hand into Sirius'. They'd shared too many memories for them to be forgotten or lost, "I missed you so much, Padfoot."

"Merlin, I missed you, too, Remus."

The kiss gaining a few well aimed coughs and Elvis changing his song to "Kiss Me Quick" and James and JFK chuckling, surprised the two of them had managed to last this long.

But the reunited Lovers couldn't care less. As they entwined each other in their arms, making up for 2 years apart. They only came apart when, somewhere that seemed far away form where they were. A load thud sounded as their friends gasped. They began to grin manically at each other until…

"Remus? Cousin Sirius?" a voice that had become all too familiar to Remus in the past 2 years, cried.

The lovers swirled only to be greeted by the piercing, colour changing eyes of Nymphadora Lupin nee Tonks, Sirius' cousin and Remus' wife and mother to his child.

"Uh…Tonks?...Welcome to Heaven…weren't expecting you today." Sirius blushed. Moony fought an impulse to stroke the red cheeks deciding it might be inappropriate…especially in front of his wife.

"Evidently not!" Tonks exasperated, "Care to explain why you were practically eating my husband?"

Tonks, James subconsciously noted, was obliviously unfazed by the fact she was dead and surrounded by dead people…one of whom was an ex- American president.

"Y-You're husband?" Sirius gawped before turning to Remus, "You married my cousin? The one we baby-sat-"

"Child minded! I'm not that much younger that you guys!"

"-Fine! Child Minded together! My first cousin who is ten years younger than you! Oh Holy Merlin! I know we discussed moving on if the war killed either of us but that's just a little-just a tiny bit, mind you- CLOSE TO HOME!" Sirius was on the brink of yelling now and Elvis had since changed his song to a remix of "Suspicious Minds" and "Return to Sender" (A/N don't ask how it works or how it goes 'cause I haven't the foggiest!)

Remus was looking shamefully at the floor.

"M-m-moving on?" Tonks breathed in shock, "Is that all I was?...Wait…you two were together?"

"Yes! Before I fell through the veil!" Sirius snapped.

"Merlin! And you NEVER thought of telling me this, Remus?"

"Er…the opportunity never really arose?" Remus tried.

"NO? Well I'm sorry that I left no time in our engagement, marriage and then-"Tonks raged. Her hair was turning involuntarily, a vivid red with her anger.

"Look, I'm really sorry, Tonks. I am but-" Remus interrupted only to be interrupted himself.

"But nothing, Remus! We had a son-"

"A son? Finally a new marauder baby! I thought Harry would never have company!" James cried.

Sirius, Remus and Tonks gave him the death glare. Now wasn't the time.

"We got married, had a son, yet you-" Tonks tried again but was once again cut off. Today wasn't her day. But this time it was by Padfoot, who had always been a little slow on the up take, "Wait! If you had a son th-then you…with MY COUSIN Remus! That's worse than McGonagall and Dumbledore! You didn't actually… did you?"

"Sirius, that's generally how kids are made…" JFK noted before turning to a very distressed Tonks, "Look, you want my advice, lady? If people keep secrets that big, that long, then they ain't worth it."

"Kennedy! Don't talk about my Moony like that!" Sirius growled, ever the protective one, without thinking and realising the JFK was actually doing him a favour. Tonks smiles, "That's very nice of you…er, has anyone told you how much you look like JFK?"

James laughed, "That's 'cause he is!"

"Oh Merlin!" Tonks gasped, "I just had a domestic in front of an American President."

"That you did ma'am." JFK laughed, "Was it me or did I see you hair change colour, if you don't mind m asking?"

"Er...yeah it does that.." Tonks was now blushing a little in a shade that matched the colour of her hair.

"Amazing!" JFK grinned, "I thought James and Sirius and their shape shifting were intriguing but this-"

"You should see her do a duck bill! I taught her that! And it suits her!" Sirius jeered but Tonks and JFK were too entranced to react.

"Don't you have a wife?" Tonks asked rather forwardly.

"Er…I did but then she remarried after I died then when she got here she took a liking to Patrick Swayze!" Kennedy shrugged, "I'm pretty sure that makes me a free agent."

Tonks just grinned.

"Perhaps I can show you round?" he suggested and Nymphdora's smile broadened.

"Yes I should think you can…Sirius Remus …have a nice…er death together!"

They laughed and watched JFK go a introduce Tonks to Michael Jackson (of whom she had always been a big fan) who was sat with Severus Snape. Remus noted that they could almost be twins but didn't say anything. He realised that Sirius had probably seen this during life which would explain the strange aversion to anything faintly to do with Michael Jackson or the Jackson 5.

"God! Heavens a weird Place!" Remus chuckled.

"C'mon Moony let's get you signed in with St. Peter and I want to introduce you to Gabriel so he can see why I was bothering him everyday! Merlin! I've missed you, Moony"

"Believe me we haven't heard the end of it for two whole years! Glad to see you again, old friend but I'll leave you to it and go help Lily with the food. She won't be pleased, you know, you looked half starved! That wife of yours wasn't looking after you properly! Looks like you're shot of her now though!"

"Don't worry Moony! I shall cater for your every need." Sirius announced proudly.

"You learnt to cook?" Remus gasped. Last time he'd seen Sirius all he could manage was burnt toast- and that was with magic!

"Nah, Lily can feed you, I was talking about your other needs that you used my cousin to substitute for." Sirius growled but he wore a smirk.

Moony rolled his eyes, "I know you will."

After James had apperated (wizard power still worked in heaven) Sirius and Remus reacquainted each other with the other lips again, happy to finally be together once more.

"So about this son of yours…"


End file.
